Carl Jung described the inner child as the part of your subconscious that recalls your past experiences, the good, the bad, and the ugly. No matter how your parenting was done, if your inner child is wounded or traumatized, it can affect all aspects of life.
For example, Rapunzel was manipulated by her mother into thinking that the outer world is dangerous and she won’t be able to survive there. But she did fine alone because she let go of those false beliefs.
Read on to find out whether you have a wounded inner child and how to heal it healthily.
What is re-parenting yourself?
Re-parenting yourself is healing the wounds of your inner child and re-writing the story in a new way. It also includes de-conditioning of thinking and beliefs that were imposed on you as a child. But that thought process and belief system has become obsolete as you have grown up.
Why do you feel the need to re-parent yourself?
You might not realize the need to re-parent yourself. But it could be a cause of a lot of events in your life. The kind of decisions you make or the type of relationships you fester.
What about the apprehensions that you have as an adult? Also, are you a people pleaser? The answer to these questions could be your wounded inner child that was not cared for as it should have been.
The following could be why you need your inner child re-parenting by you.
- To fulfill any needs that were not met as a child
Parents are often unaware of what and when to provide their kids. They try hard to offer them all their material and social needs. But it is the mental and emotional support that they lack in real life.
That could very often be because they are incapable of either understanding the needs of it or can’t express them. This could be the root cause of generational trauma in you.
- You want to change your Belief System
When we are kids, we mostly see the world through our parents’ lenses. Or from the outlook that our society offers us. Most of the time, when we grow up, we realize that the world is not the way we, were being told.
Also, our own experiences from childhood to adulthood contribute to our perspective. Your 10-year-old that is still inside you and your 25-year-old live in constant conflict as to what to believe and what not to believe in.
You might want to listen to your inner child clearly to come to terms with your new belief system for the present world.
- You want to cure your inner wounds
You were not even aware that they were wounds. But certain behavioural patterns inflicted upon us as kids either by our parents or by the people surrounding us can cause deep wounds. Such wounds can hinder our growth as a personality or as a sound body and mind.
Thus, you need to talk to your inner child and provide peace regarding those pain points.
- You want to change your Behavioural Patterns
Maybe you were wrongly judged as a child. And now after living with more than half of your life with the weight of that judgment over you. You might want to feel free and get rid of that thought process. You do not want to continue those behavioural patterns.
- To Build Better Relationships
Having a broken inner child leads to many relationship issues. You might need a dominant partner. You have trust issues. You are too dependent on a partner.
Only if you can sit with your inner child and talk about all the times when you lacked that love and attention, it may lead you towards building better relationships and leading a happier life.
- Better Regulate Your Emotions
Many researches and studies show that people who were children of narcissistic or dominant parents have trouble regulating their emotions as adults. And that can cause issues in all parts of life.
Once you heal yourself, you can have better control over your emotions and thus feel less anxious.
- Increase Self – trust and Confidence
Do you have trouble taking bigger risks in life? Or your decision–making skills are not up to par which is a big factor that you are not getting that promotion you have always wanted? It could be because of your wounded inner child.
Getting face-to-face with your childhood trauma can lead you to find the cause of such behavior. And eventually leading you to trust yourself and your abilities more.
- Maintain a better relationship with yourself
Do you often find yourself blaming small things in your life? Are you a laughing stock among your friend circle because of your self-esteem? It could also be because of your wounded inner child.
And if that is the case you need to take immediate steps about it.
- Sit through a past pain/loss/ hurt you don’t know how to cope with.
It might not be everyone, but certain incidents in our lives have a lasting impact on our minds. You might not remember the cause of the incident; the place or face of the people might be blurred in your memory but it still hurts.
Understanding your inner child and re-parenting it with better methods to cope with these situations can lead to a better understanding of such trauma.
- Being more compassionate towards yourself and People
Understanding and re-parenting your inner child is like looking at your childhood through a different lens. A lens of understanding, empathy, care, love, and attention.
Once you take that step do not only become aware of yourself but become more empathetic towards people surrounding you.
Steps to take to Re-Parent Yourself or Towards Healing Your Inner Child
- You were not born like this.
Many people start believing that they were born with these traits. Others simply start blaming their sun signs for the explanation of such behaviours, fears, and lack in their lives.
But that is not the case. First, you need to accept that you were not born like this. Social and childhood conditioning has made you believe in certain patterns and it is not your fault.
- Believe that you can be re-conditioned
You need to understand that your mental and emotional wounds can be healed. They can be re-conditioned. It is not a permanent condition that you have to carry your whole life.
Once you start to understand that you can be healed, you can start working towards acting on how to heal them.
- Calling on your Inner child
What were you like when you were a kid? Were you an inquisitive kid? Do you like colours? Or did you often see the world with wonder in your eyes? This is the step where you get in touch with your younger self.
You try to create a bridge between your past self and your present self. You need to understand that your childhood self is somewhere inside you. You just need to get in touch with it all over again.
- Acknowledge and validate your inner child
Now when you have found your inner child. You need to acknowledge and validate it. Sometimes, that is the only thing you wanted as a kid. That someone acknowledges your presence and validates your feelings.
Now when you are a more responsible and emotionally mature adult, you can do it all by yourself.
Remember, what kind of feelings you had when you were a kid? Validate feeling like that. What kind of shows, movies, and music you loved as a kid? And what in them attracted you the most? It was your choice, your preferences, and your feelings, understand them and validate them. The kind of food you liked, the kind of clothes you wore, everything. It was all a part of you.
- Identify the cause of your Inner Wounds
As a kid, you might have survived through some emotional or mental trauma, that you never got the chance to cope with healthily. As an adult, you might avoid feeling like that.
But once you get in touch with your inner child. You can come face to face with those feelings. And you might want to find out the deeper root of those inner wounds that you still carry the weight of as an adult.
You can start journalling about the same and practice writing more and more about it. You also try to talk to a mental healthcare professional who will help you understand and heal your inner wounds. You can also point to your regular behaviour and understand that it might be because of a childhood trauma that never healed.
For example, if you always attract toxic partners in your life. It may be because of a childhood relationship that makes you believe that care is an exchange and you have to go through that toxic behaviour to earn that security and care which is not true at all.
- Challenge your Negative Thoughts
When you have grown up thinking negatively about yourself, you become an individual with self-esteem issues. There could be multiple negative thoughts that come into your brain like “you are not good enough” or “you don’t deserve happiness.”
You need to challenge these negative thoughts to find the root of these thoughts. To understand whether your negative belief system is a social conditioning or your critical thinking.
Once you get to the root of it, you can easily change that belief system for an easy living.
- Try to remember important events in your life
Some events in our lives change us for the worse instead of propelling our personalities to be better. You are never the same after that.
Other times, our brain plays games with us, and the faces from childhood become blurred and memories of events become distorted.
To understand your inner child, you need to remember these memories. Maybe meditate on them for a while. If they are bad memories, you can find the cause for them now when you are not that vulnerable anymore.
And if they are good memories, you need to keep them fresh so they can give you life and energy in the toughest moments of your adult life.
It would help you understand a lot of things about yourself and your behaviour towards your surroundings. Both people and objects.
- Understand the 4 pillars of re-parenting yourself
Sometimes, it is not easy to get in touch with your inner child or your inner child’s wounds. It could be one of the most unnerving processes and you can barely handle the pain. That is why, it is always suggested to take help from a healthcare professional.
But before, you approach one, you need to be determined that you want to bring a significant change in your lifestyle and you don’t want to live like your wounded self anymore.
The 4 pillars of the Re-parenting model can help you with that. The 4 pillars are known as Discipline, Self-Care, Joy, and Emotional Regulation.
– Discipline: It is not like an army discipline. But more of your courage and willpower that you want to make that change. You understand your present self and you want to be in touch with your past self. In this step, you know that you can write your own rules for your life and none of the external factors can affect you.
– Self-care: People with wounded parenting need a lot of work with this step. This includes exercising and taking care of the mind, body, and soul. Providing yourself an environment where you can nurture. And most importantly, if your inner child is scared of something what would a nurturing older-self would say to that in a crucial moment?
– Joy: One of the major aspects of being a child is of wonder and joy. They see everything with wide eyes and everything is playful and fun. No wonder, many adults tend to invest in their favourite action figurines or collectibles that they wanted as a kid. All you need to do is to surround yourself with the things that brought you joy as a kind and your mood would instantly change.
– Emotional Regulation: Many adults don’t know how to take care of their emotions and how to regulate them. As kids, they were never taught that these emotions are normal and human and it is okay to feel and express them.
As an adult, you need to explain these aspects to your inner child and let the emotions flow. You just need to see the benefits after that.
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